At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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