i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I need moral support for this bender
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
