i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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