I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The power of my boobs compel you
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
