she smelled like a LAN party
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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