some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Someone signed my nipple.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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