What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
