I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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