he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
