so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
