Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
