i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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