make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
