I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This baby is an asshole
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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