Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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