I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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