I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
