so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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