I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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