i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
