no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
