the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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