I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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