if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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