remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
