She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My feet surprised me
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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