if you like me you must not know who I am
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
should my penis look like a turkey
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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