Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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