Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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