so let's talk penis.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
