Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
