i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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