I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
