Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
