i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he fucked my hip out of place.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
