Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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