I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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