It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
