Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
do nipples grow back?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
