She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
