last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
