So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
