I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
