If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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