What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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