after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
