I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
