The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
