god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Enjoy the penises
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
