Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
