my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
