i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
