True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize