is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I need a beard to bite.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
