I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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