i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
