So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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