I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
