I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I will pee on everything he values.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
