I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
