So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
