You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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