It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
