We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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