No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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