She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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