Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
