God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
