i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
