a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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