and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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