you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize